Cheating-from suspicion to evidence

Has anyone ever read the statistics on the prevalence of infidelity? Who among us, even if we suspect our spouse, hasn’t come across one of the thousands of “flirt spouse signatures” lists that have recently become widespread on the Internet?

Don’t worry about the statistics-they are based on numbers including others. And “the signs of an unfaithful spouse” alone do not prove anything. “What if I suspect my spouse is having an affair?”

As a private detective who has worked with thousands of people over the years, many would like to offer some suggestions regarding the alleged infidelity:

Open your mind Most of the “story” signs of cheating spouses using the Internet today can be plausibly explained by factors that have nothing to do with the incident. Even the seemingly horrifying evidence can be plausible. In my one case, my husband found another male underwear in his drawer and was upset by this supposed evidence of his wife’s infidelity. In the end, it turned out that the underwear belonged to my client’s father-in-law who spent the night at the couple’s house the weekend before.

In my practice, I have found that at least 25% of my clients are wrong about suspicion. These were clients who were relatively confident about the case before they hired me. What I sometimes find is that the “other woman” is actually a bar in the local tavern, a buddy whose wife no longer wants to date her husband, or even a local slot casino. In other cases, the “cheating spouse” is not found to be having an affair and is preparing to leave the marriage altogether.

You may need to follow up on your doubts to rest your mind, but it is essential that you do it openly.

Don’t face your spouse. Without evidence, the conflict serves no purpose. Think for a moment-those who are willing to cheat their spouse are probably those who lie about it when asked. At the same time, no one will admit that they do not have. The answer is the same in both scenarios: “No honey, I’m not having an affair.” The confrontation only serves to inform your spouse that you are suspicious. If your spouse is cheating, your showdown will only harm your ability to conduct meaningful future investigations.

Save the conflict in case you know what the truth is.

Act normally. Careless of any of us being considered a fool, our ego frequently asked to stand up and declare “I’m not an idiot-you know what you are doing” I will. But, like the conflict mentioned above, this kind of declaration is only useful for alerting fraudsters that you have become suspicious. This makes it difficult for spouses to obtain evidence of infidelity as they try to hide their activities. So long as you’re interested in getting to the root of doubt, the best thing for you is to play the role of a fool. Smile-Attractive (unless it’s unusual for you)-Your normal self. You want your spouse to think you aren’t expecting anything.

If, like many people, you simply cannot hide your despair through this emotionally tested time-consider providing a plausible explanation for your attitude (eg. “Oh, that’s just my stress at work, that’s it.”)

Carefully choose who to share your doubts with. During such emotionally challenging times, you may find it necessary to speak to someone who empathizes with your concerns. This is a normal natural need and can be a healthy outlet for your stress. However, keep in mind that people tend to be related to people they encounter in their daily lives. That is, colleagues at work, neighbors, spouses of best friends, best friends, siblings of the same sex. For this reason, it is absolutely essential not to share your suspicions with anyone who may be part of the problem. I tell all clients, “When you’re done, tell the world that you hired a PI and keep quiet until then.” Many cases have been spoiled due to clients trusting the wrong person.

If you absolutely need to share your concerns with others-a friend living in another state, a trained counselor, or far away (geographically desirable), they may not be involved Please share with others who have. But keep in mind-this person will probably find the need to tell someone they trust. And that person will find the need to tell someone they trust. Be very careful about who you ultimately confide.

Evaluate your relationship You’ll find that you’re asking some pretty difficult questions throughout the discovery process. We recommend including “What do you really want in this relationship?” On the question list.

Often overwhelmed by the prospect of being “victims” of unfaithfulness, one cannot help wondering if one really cares whether a marriage or relationship has ended. This is when her husband says “I’m a lie, cheating, useless, socially lost” when an angry wife spends time on the phone with her husband. -In lieu of discussing her allegations of infidelity,” we may also ask the fiancée to watch just before the wedding. My question is always “Why do you get married in the first place if you have to hire a PI to determine if your fiance is cheating on you?”

Base your decisions on what you want to do in your relationship, not on the fact that you may be the victim of your adultery. Ask yourself, “Do you want to be with this person regardless of whether your spouse is cheating on me?”

Be prepared for what can happen. Even if you finally find out that your spouse is having an affair, you may be 100% devoted to your marriage, but it does mean that your spouse is devoted as well. Does not mean that It takes two people to get married. If your spouse is having an affair, it is likely due to some unmet needs from the marriage that your spouse may not be interested in resolving with you. Can be sure

You may not be interested in preparing for separation or divorce now, but that doesn’t mean your spouse isn’t. I’ve seen a few who are actively engaged in preparing for their marriage (for example, opening a separate bank account, looking for an apartment). Now it may be a good time to take some basic steps to prepare for a result that is not your choice.

Copy your address book, copy important documents, make a photo of your personal belongings at home, open a name-only credit card, open a name-only check or savings account, a password to access your voicemail Please consider changing your online account, copy important negatives or photos. Most of this document, including photos, fits on a single CD and should be kept outside the house shared with your spouse. If you think about it-many of these steps were something you should have taken long ago to prepare for a fire in the house that could occur to any of us.

A word of caution here-don’t go crazy. Courts generally treat disadvantages such as emptying checks and savings accounts, changing door locks, and depriving other spouses access to a couple’s funds and property. Moreover, you are not actually planning a divorce-you are preparing to prepare for the sudden and unilateral end of your relationship with your spouse.

Investigate the law Most people who seek my surveillance service do so because of the “need to know.” I already know (or know) that the court in my state wouldn’t arbitrate a big screen TV and a nice sofa/loveseat combination if only the spouse could be proved by the “no-fault” divorce law. I believe that). I am having an affair. However, this does not necessarily negate the need for legal advice.

If you are in the process of deciding whether to divorce (rather than working on a marriage) or just want to know the fare if your spouse makes that decision on your behalf, study divorce on this occasion We recommend that you the law of your state. How are properties split? Would it help your case if you could show that your spouse is having an affair? Who is more likely to take care of your child? What about spouse and child support?

Some of this rudimentary research can be done free of charge without leaving home. Just enter the state name and “divorce” or “child custody” into your favorite search engine and you’ll have access to a wealth of information via the Internet (eg “Minnesota divorce” or “child custody Minnesota”. ). Of course, you should only consider this study as “preliminary”. If you think you will eventually decide to end your marriage (or your spouse will decide), sit back and consult an attorney.

Collect evidence. Now is the time to document the evidence of possible incidents and write down the allegations. Consider writing it down or entering the details in a password protected document on your computer. Don’t rely on your memory.

We do not recommend that someone actually go out and attempt their own research or surveillance. These are very good reasons and it’s best left to specialized investigators. However, the time and date of the suspicious activity that notices the pattern, the strange phone number displayed on the caller ID unit, or the call history of the mobile phone, between the actual odometer reading and the spouse’s work place. You need to be aware of the discrepancy in the round trip distance. It may seem strange, but keep notes of non-suspicious times and events. For example, you may believe that your spouse is traveling to another state for a business meeting next Wednesday, but not necessarily. Only after the incident is fully revealed are some of these other details seen from another perspective.

It is now time to collect other details that may be useful to a detective if they decide that an investigation is needed. That information includes the spouse’s employer, employer’s address, spouse’s car model license plate, spouse’s friends and family names and addresses, spouse’s photo or jpg, someone’s name and details. May be You think your spouse may be looking (ie address, vehicle info, etc.). Don’t wait until the last moment you can start collecting these facts. You want to start collecting them now so they are ready when the need to move forward arrives.

Consider hiring a licensed private detective. Whether you choose to hire a private detective should be based on several different factors-at least your psychological “need to know”, the ability to fund an investigator, and a professional with a license. The need evidence that the house documents is a case for legal purposes.

Avoid the temptation to track your spouse. Even if I have more than 20 years of surveillance experience and I think my wife is having an affair, I will be the last person to try to track my wife. To work for me, I have to hire another PI. This is due in part to the fact that none of us are visible. If you track someone in a car, stopping at a traffic light will necessarily mean you are right behind you. Get ready to wave your spouse in the mirror to see who’s behind the car! Private detectives can now evade-at the signal they are fooled by their flirt spouse, even if they are in a vehicle just behind him or her, and optionally sitting on a bar stool next to your spouse. Another Joe.”

And it’s a serious mistake for your friend to play the role of PI. Contrary to what some think, it’s much more important to have discreet surveillance than just sitting in the car for a few hours and then tracking the spouse. Cheating spouses are wary of being caught, and many are taking steps to ensure they are not obeyed. Your friends rarely have the skills necessary to maintain contact with your spouse, but at the same time convince him or her that they are not followed. If caught, it could jeopardize future surveillance activities (even experts), reveal suspicion to spouses, and cause legal problems for yourself and your friends, depending on the laws of your state. there is.

Unless I need oversight within Minnesota, I don’t think I can support your research needs. However, over time, you’ll find qualified and competent field agents in your area. You can easily find it, such as opening the Yellow Pages directory or doing an online search for private detectives through your favorite search engine (“Minnesota Private Detectives”, “Private Detectives Minneapolis”, etc.).

We recommend that you choose the investigators from your own area, not the outfit of the country that declares that you have investigators in your area. Make sure the detective agency has an address. You can also make sure they are licensed, guaranteed and insured. And finally-make sure they are specialized in conducting surveillance.

Discuss it. If, for all your worries, you decide that your spouse is not having an affair (and hope you do), you spend most of your day getting legal resources online. I read and talked to the investigators. Make one or two copies of your important documents or photos. It had to be copied for unrelated reasons for a long time. By now, you wanted to reassess the relationship, make things work (or not make them work), and in the worst-case scenarios you confided to your friends or relatives about your unfounded suspicions. Now is the time to get rid of those notes about your spouse, shred PI’s business cards and invoices (if you went that far), and discuss it intimately with yourself to protect it. is. It is also a time to look back on the reason why I was made to believe that there was an incident in the first place.

For others, when the overwhelming evidence of this incident comes out, it’s time to “face up” the problem. However, do so only if additional investigation or oversight may not be necessary.

Keep in mind, however, that when you meet someone, you often have a defensive attitude. This is because the spouse is usually caught “out of hand” and you don’t know how to react to the fact that you know about the case. After all, were there no previous signs of knowing what was happening?

Some of my clients have told their spouse their spouse by discussing it in a “factual” way, after proactively warning the cheating spouse first to deal with it in the near future. It reports that it was successful in making it acknowledged.

On the day I decide to talk to my spouse, I say, “I know you. I want to talk after work.” Then leave and leave or hang up. This gives your spouse time to think about how they are trying to handle things. Often they go home and admit cases that would not have been admitted if they were pressed against the wall in a confrontational manner. Some flirt spouses are relieved to actually get caught.

Do not disclose everything you know. It is tempting for some clients to disclose a survey report, including still images captured from videotape, to their spouse, yelling “Look at this.” However, this is the last thing to do.

An investigative report is produced to give you the evidence you need to make informed decisions. It’s not ready to prove to your spouse that he or she is having an affair. After all, your spouse already knows what the facts are.

When we tell someone we know, we inadvertently tell him or her the accuracy of what we do not know. For example, suppose you meet her with a videotape entering another hotel with another man and a research report (no video or stills) detailing dinner with the same man two weeks ago. By revealing this evidence, I’m effectively telling my wife that she doesn’t know she traveled with a man going to Bermuda to be a business trip to Minneapolis. I told her before dinner two weeks ago that there was no evidence of the incident. You told her there was no evidence that she kissed her lover in the car after dinner. You told her that she had no clue as to how she spent the day with this man the day before the hotel rendezvous. You put her card on the table and told her how much you didn’t know. After all, if you know these other facts-why not face her like those? Where can I find a report detailing these facts?

Armed with the above fictional research report, the wife may admit to having dinner with a platonic “friend” and the fact that he entered the hotel with him two weeks later. “But he’s just a friend. We didn’t do anything but talk. He was struggling and he wanted my advice. I knew you couldn’t understand. I didn’t tell you because it looks ugly, you don’t trust me-you are always blaming my worst, and what’s wrong with you Also-Courage to hire a PI to violate my privacy anyway!”

Please keep the evidence to yourself. It’s your proof-not your spouse. Your knowledge is your power. Your spouse does not know how strong you are. Instead (using the fictitious situation above) to the spouse, “Cindy, you know that you have an affair with Dan. How do I know, or how much do I know I’m not interested in discussing what’s going on, all I need to know is if you are willing to put an end to this case and work on this marriage-this will tell you everything Would you like to ask, or if you would rather hide the details and make an excuse, in this case, would this marriage tell me about it?”

How you handle your particular suspicions is ultimately up to you. You may feel totally lonely when you have a hard time finding answers, but the above advice is not from me, but to myriad others-like you who came before you. People-understand what comes from.

Good luck.

You are free to reprint this article on your website, provided you leave the copy intact (including the active link and each of this paragraph) and include the resource box below. Otherwise, All Rights Reserved-Copyright 2009 Blue Heron Investigations

It’s a sequel.